I am starting to think I need to do this practice every day because I still blow up at people. I’m not nearly as bad as I used to be, but I want to get to the point where I just don’t get to that place of losing my temper. I don’t even want to express irritation or frustration because I believe those are just beginning stages of anger. They also border on contempt.

I adapted the “Love Letter” technique by John Gray to have a more Christ-centered approach. You can learn about the original method that I practiced for 40 years here.

Step 1: Pray for protection for yourself and the person you are angry with. Pray for help in getting to a place of love and compassion for the other person. Pray anything else Holy Spirit guides.

Step 2. Remember a time when you felt really connected to Jesus. You can write or say the words that describe the experience as if it is happening. Example: “I am remembering, Jesus, the time when you came to me when I was so upset. Here I am, laying in bed, crying out Jesus, Yogananda, Jesus, Yogananda.” I felt your presence Jesus. I felt your peace come upon me, and I was able to sleep and wake up in the morning with a solution to a very difficult problem. Thank you Jesus, that you came to me even when I hadn’t surrendered my life to you.” (this is a true story–back when I was still connected to an Indian guru.)

You can describe as many details as you want. Take about 2 or 3 minutes to really feel and meditate on the reality of your experience with Jesus.

Step 2: Tell Jesus your anger, frustration and/or irritation.

Example: Jesus, I am so sick of this person and how she treats me. I can’t stand it any more. She is so disrespectful. I just hate this *****. I am SO angry I want to just run away. (If curse words come up, let them. God understands that you are getting your anger out.)

Step 2: Tell Jesus your fear:

Example: Jesus, I’m really scared. I need this person in order to survive. I don’t have any money, and she is supporting me. I also have fear that I am going to lash out at her and she will kick me out.

Step 3: Tell Jesus your hurt

Example: Jesus, I feel really hurt. I have tried to be kind. I try so hard to do the right things. I have turned somersaults to do kind things. (tears might come at this point–let them flow freely)

Step 4: Tell Jesus what you want

Example: Jesus–I just want to be able to get along with her. We really have a lot in common. We have cooperated in the past. I yearn to be able to be at peace even when she says things that I think are disrespectful. I want to feel good enough about myself to let these things flow off me like water on a duck’s back. I want to get my approval from you, not people. I also want to move on if that is your will. I want to be in a place where people value me, share my values and goals, and love being encouraging.

Step 5: Tell Jesus what you want to repent of in the situation

Example: Jesus, I realize that I have not been taking care of myself. I have not been meditating and doing the devotions I like to do because I have gotten busy with other things. I repent. Please forgive me. Also, I have been focusing on all the bad qualities of the person, instead of remembering the good, and praying for her. Please forgive me. I will do my best to be better in these and other areas so I can stay in peace.

Step 6: Tell Jesus how you are feeling now. Hopefully you might be in a place of love.

Example: Jesus, I really care about her. I want the best for her. I can draw boundaries lovingly. I feel your love for her, and no matter what she does, I will remember how much you love her. I realize that she has been wounded, and I just want to be guided by the Holy Spirit as to how to treat her

Step 7: Ask Jesus: What do you want me to learn from this situation? Where are you in this situation?

Listen.

Example. I am sensing that Jesus is telling me that I need to draw boundaries, yet I still can be in relationship with this person. I know he says to love my enemies. I sense him saying, “I know this is hard. I see your pain. I know you can be at peace no matter what happens. Remember to take a deep breath and count to three before you respond in anger. I have confidence in you. I love you sooooooo much, my daughter.”

Step 7: Pray

Example: Jesus, help me to really love this person and do those things that can bring out the best in her. Show me if this is a situation which I need to stay in, or should I love from a distance? If you want me to leave, help me find a good place to go. I love you, Jesus. Thank you for your presence in my life. Thank you for your healing. Thank you for being with me in this situation and always.