Preventing and resolving conflicts is the most essential need of any intentional community. Vegan communities are ahead of the game in this area because we do share the very important value of veganism. But we bring in the baggage of our society and our upbringing. We have learned from an early age in our culture to fight, flee, or freeze when conflict arises. Thus we need to learn how to strengthen relationships instead of damaging them.
If you cannot work with conflict, then you probably cannot create a sustainable community. Learning how to resolve conflict is a skill, and will serve you in every area of life. Not only do we need this within our community, but also as we communicate with those we want to inspire to adopt veganism.
Conflict can be a passionate ally. It serves as a guidepost, showing us what really matters to us, and how much we care. Our intense emotions are sources of invincible energy, with the power to build the community. As we strive to create a new society where all life – human and non-humans – can thrive, learning the techniques of resolving conflict will help us immensely.
We look forward to vegan intentional communities setting a great example of ideal communication.
“Learning good communication skills, and making clear communication a priority, including ways of reducing conflict.” -Diana Leafe Christianson
Learning how to communicate in more healthy ways, using models such as the increasingly popular Non-Violent Communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg, we can learn how to be emotionally healthy and connect on a deeper level. Methods such as radical candor work well to prevent many conflicts. Giving constructive criticism in a way that shows that you also care makes a world of difference.
But how? What can we do to reduce the chances of conflict arising in the first place? And what does having conflict in a healthy and transformative way really look like?
Here are some tips:
Work on yourself: Be the change you want to see in the community. Do such things as journaling, meditation, practicing mindfulness.
Have a comprehensive conflict resolution policy.
Have a comprehensive consent policy to prevent and deal with sexual harassment.
Do lots of things that help you to strengthen interpersonal relationships.
Open your heart to closeness even with those you are feeling distant.
Do exercise to connect on a deeper level.
Work on having a healthier attitude towards conflict.
Deep Listening: “Deep Listening is a way of hearing in which we are fully present with what is happening in the moment without trying to control it or judge it. We let go of our inner clamoring and our usual assumptions and listen with respect for precisely what is being said.” http://www.contemplativemind.org/practices/tree/deep-listening
Truth-speaking: learning how to hear the truth in lies and how to unmask anger to reveal the feelings that caused it.
Thinking of ideas for communities forming now because establishing a new community is not easy.
Learning non-violent communication practices.
Resources:
The Alternative Justices Project
“Interpersonal relationships and conflict resolution”. Fellowship for Intentional Communities.
Kashtan, Inbal & Miki. “Nonviolent Communication Primer”. Web of Love.
“The Power of Conflict”. Fellowship for Intentional Community.
Song, Tamarck. “Sacred Speech-The Way of Truth Speaking”.
“What is Non-Violent Communication”. Puddle Dancer Press
