Plans for community are on hold. I shared the reasons in this post.  Now I feel free to just write about my evolution as I do a kind of restart. I am in alignment with the whole world, which is going through a restart with the Covid19 pandemic.

I started really focusing on getting every single detail of the community developed just a few weeks before the pandemic hit.  At first, I felt excited about the possibility that more people would be motivated to move to the country and live in community.  “Yay!” I thought. “Finally my dreams will come true.”

I was motivated to really get serious about what it looked like to live on the land which I call Wellspring. I worked REALLY hard to get to a place where I could finally promote the project in a big way.  Some people were interested. One family even came and visited. I corresponded with a man who really wants to get his family out of the city into the country. Several other people wanted to come and visit.

The story of what happened is long. I am not in a space to share any more than what I wrote in the post mentioned above. I am ready to move on for now, being more in the present moment than every before in my life.

I am simplifying my life. My phone bill is now at a minimum.  I am exploring successfully how to eat less and less yet still have a healthy diet.

Nature and Jesus are calling me.

Yesterday, I felt so much bliss pulling grass out of the garden. I felt torn, because I don’t like to disturb the soil structure, and I also don’t like to disturb plants! Yet I sensed that it was for the greatest good for the grass clumps to go.

I have two gardens to work in. One is at the log house over looking Prayer Lake where I live part of the time. The other garden is at Wellspring, where eventually community will happen.

Each garden has its own personality. I love the log house gardens because I have worked hard to encourage the plantain, winter cress, chickweed, plantain, Curley doc, yarrow, mint, and comfrey to grow in nooks and crannies of the garden.

You see, there is a giant cascade of boulders and rocks that were piled up by some kind of earth moving machine. When I first moved to this land as caretaker, I had the opportunity to start encouraging the cracks and crevices of this man made eco-system to be conducive to growing plants that I thought would be useful.

The main thing I worked on was getting rid of the persistent Bermuda grass and Johnson grass. These powerful grasses are much to be admired for their tenacity. Yet they, like invaders such as Genghis Khan, take over areas so that no other plant life can thrive–except for perhaps dandelions.

I’m remembering a teaching I read about decades ago called the Aloha way of life.  I have’t been able to find the tiny book (it was only about 3 x 3 inches) or found the concept on line.

The idea is that by blessing and appreciating qualities of whatever we encounter, we can absorb and attract those qualities.

Some plants (as well as people) have qualities that are easily detestable. And yet I am commanded by Jesus to love my enemies, and pray for those who persecute me.

Therefore, I have taken up the habit of admiring the persistent qualities of grasses, and even apologizing to them for removing them. I pray for a day when all I do is gently adjust and refine the environment. I look for the time when I do not hurt anything–even the grasses that prevent other more desirable plants from growing.

I am reminded even as I write, to transfer this attitude to people as well. I don’t destroy people physically by thinking negatively about them–or do I? Jesus says:

 Matthew 5: 21-22, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, “You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.” Again in verse 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” 

I long to purify my thoughts so that even when I think about someone who I no longer trust because of their hurtful actions towards me, my family, or people in general–I do not wish them harm.

I am cultivating my thoughts to view everyone as people who are victims of this culture where we have all been subjected to various degrees of trauma. Some are, for reasons unknown to me, deciding to hurt others because of their trauma.

I have such a desire for purity.  This has contributed to a great deal of judgement on my part–judging myself and others for falling short.

At last I hope that I am in a place where I can focus on my passion to live a life where I am in 100% alignment with my values.  And that includes refining my values so that they are in alignment with universal truths based on Jesus clear teachings of love and nonviolence. My conscience and ability to discern specifically how to live out those teachings will help me to refine my values.

I realize now, as I postpone my efforts to invite people to join me in community, that I am still in the process of defining the values that I want to embody.

Everything I have been involved in over the past 45 years since I discovered that living in community is my goal has helped me become more clear.

I am hoping that by spending the summer going within, meditating on the values I have defined as being essential, living out those values along with practices that support the values–I will come to a place of readiness to welcome members to the community.

I will be writing more about this as I work at things like pulling grasses, building hugelkultur beds, and learning increasingly about what is essential-what is not.

As I pull out grasses and encourage an environment where the plants I cherish can grow, I will also be letting go of thoughts and habits that stop me from living out my values. I will be creating an environment where the practices like meditation, prayer, laughing, dancing, singing, Wim Hoff breathing, cold therapy, bare footing, walking mindfully, forest therapy, scripture study, journaling, talking to Jesus, grieving and service can take over effortlessly.

Whenever I look at the gardens I am cultivating which are thriving, I will now be reminded of how I want my heart, body, and mind to thrive.

I find myself breathing a sigh of relief. I don’t have to take care of anyone. I can tend my inner garden of my heart and external gardens which call to me. I feel grateful to have both to beautify and purify.

I will keep you posted on my progress and my pitfalls.

I would love to know what practices help you to live a thriving life. And how you help your garden to thrive.