Integrity is the foundation of healthy community and healthy relationships.

Do you believe that?

I am 99 percent sure that this is true. Although integrity has always been one of my main values, until I read this definition of integrity a few minutes ago, I was not ready to make the statement I made. Here is an excerpt from this blog post called “5 Signs You Lack Integrity”

“Sometimes it’s easiest to think about something out of its immediate context.  When something is well built, we say it has structural integrity.  So in an earthquake, the building with excellent structural integrity survives.  When something physically collapses, we say it didn’t have the integrity to withstand the impact.”

The reference to the foundation is so profound.

I wonder if the reason that so many communities and relationships fail is because of lack of trust. When someone has integrity, we trust them, right? Integrity and trust go hand in hand. Here is one of the 5 examples Carey Nieuwhof offers as a symptom of lacking integrity:

 “You fail to do what you said you were going to do. This isn’t just about keeping promises; it’s about keeping your word in everything.  Better to say nothing and surprise someone by delivering than blurt out an intention you can’t fulfil.   Ultimately, people lose confidence in you when you fail to deliver.  It’s a trust issue.   A fairly easy way to address this is to say less and deliver more.  A great follow up system also helps (sometimes a lack of integrity isn’t even a moral issue – just an awareness and organization issue)”

I thought this article was excellent, and has motivated me to focus even more on having 100% integrity. Each of these 5 items are something I want to reflect upon each time I take action. They are as follows:

1.  It’s all about you. 

2. Your self esteem rises and falls with the opinion of others. 

3. You’re hiding things. 

4.  You fail to do what you said you were going to do.

5.  You make too many compromises. 

In order to have integrity, I need to be brutally honest with myself, and repent of those times when I was out of integrity. I already am remembering some promises I made and have not kept. Not too many, I am happy to say! I am also feeling encouraged, because I went through a crises yesterday where I was tempted to give in to impulses that would have betrayed someone’s trust terribly. I felt inspired by this scripture from Romans 8:26

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”

I was in such agony that I could not pray with words, and groans were the only way I could express myself. I felt a peace coming over me that helped me realize how my desire to run from a situation was not going to yield any good fruit.

On a side note. When I was in labor with my first child, Chris, I uttered high pitched screams when I was in pain. No one told me until I was pregnant with my second child, Maud, that high pitches tightened the vagina, while groaning would help open up the vagina making it easier for the baby to come out. I groaned instead of screamed at Mauds birth. My midwife chose to cut my vagina (called an episiotomy) to make it easier for Chris to come out, but Maud came out without any tearing or need for a cut.

There is a place for wailing, yet even wailing is not high-pitched screaming. Here are some definitions according to how this word is used in the Bible:

WAIL, v.t. To lament; to moan; to bewail.

WAIL, v.i. To weep; to express sorrow audibly.

WAIL, n. Loud weeping; violent lamentation.

I can see that I need to write a whole article about these spiritual practices. Once I get on a topic, like integrity, I get inspired to look into things I didn’t expect.

I think that the next time I act in a way that is out of integrity, I will do some groaning and wailing. Being in integrity has always been important to me, even as a child. I used to judge myself as being overly legalistic. But I realize even as I write this–that the word “tattle tale” was designed to keep us children from telling people who could do something about other children’s bad behavior. Often that behavior was emotionally damaging, as in the case of my older sister who has disowned me.

I have been a whistle blower, and continue to be one. I have a few situations where I am realizing that in order to be in integrity, I need to expose some people’s actions. The reason? So others do not fall into the traps I fell into where there is deception going on. My decision to do this is opposed by almost everyone I know. Yet to be in integrity, I must do what is right, not what is easy.

I remember going to a coach to talk about a very difficult situation with church leadership where I perceived I was being treated unfairly. She asked me, “Would you rather be right, or happy?”

Yikes! How could I even have considered that I would rather be happy and thus give into the pressure of being passive or silent. But happiness is the choice our society encourages us to take. If it is right to do something, then we should do it. There is right and wrong. There is absolute truth. My conscience, along with the whole counsel of the scriptures, listening to God’s voice, along with wise counsel, help me determine what is right. I am thinking that Carey, the writer of the article that inspired me to write this post, might be a wise counselor. I feel inspired to study his teachings. However, I will be cautious. I used to think I could trust anyone after reading a few blog posts.

Carey offers another article about how to build integrity.

Having wise counsel is essential. I know very few people who I trust to give wise counsel. In the Quaker tradition, they used something called the Clearness Committee. I learned about this about 28 years ago, and can you believe that I still have not experienced this beautiful process? I will be praying that my family can utilize this. Here is a description of the clearness committee from a website that I am going to be exploring thoroughly called Center for Courage and Renewal.

I sense that God is directing me to look at the various teachings and websites I have shared in order to be more concrete about describing what the Wellspring Monastery and Community will look like. You also can get to know me better as the founder and director. I want everyone who is a part of the community to participate in Clearness Committee.

I’m feeling inspired by the concept of the Circle of Trust, and thinking that I want to facilitate these processes as well. I admire the Quaker tradition greatly, and I am thinking that I need to reach out to the Quakers to see if there might be people who are interested in the monastery/community I am forming.

“A small circle of limited duration that is intentional about its process will have a deeper, more life-giving impact than a large, ongoing community that is shaped by the norms of conventional culture.”
—Parker J. Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness

I find this statement interesting because it seems like peer pressure is one of the main things that we have to fight against in order to be integrity. I want to create a culture where we, from the beginning, have the shared values that will ensure that we are not going to be a group that bows to the leaders wishes or the majority wishes. Rather, we are always seeking what is true, helping each other to achieve that goal.