I am no longer drawn to the Bruderhof. I found out that they have many characteristics which I am very uneasy about. I learned more when I joined the Facebook group Afterhof which you can find here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/996164867093059 I simply mentioned that I was going to visit a Buderhof community and people started expressing concerns. Then I was told by the visitor coordinator that they did not want me to come because someone saw my comments on the Afterhof. It is a long and disappointing story, but I am so glad I learned how this community works before I spent time and money visiting. To their credit, they refunded the money I spent on travel which was non-refundable. I appreciate that greatly. I still want to share this article.
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Intro: I wrote this article when I was convinced that I no longer had the patience, fortitude, courage and creativity to do the enormous task of creating a community. When I was on a Zoom call on a book discussion about living in community hosted by Bruderhof residents, I introduced myself by saying that I was trying to create a community but I realized I just wasn’t up to the task. One of the hosts laughed and said, “Of course you can’t create a community alone–you need Jesus to help you,” and I just smiled humbly. But inside, I was fuming. “How do you know I wasn’t getting Jesus to help me?” were among some of the quite angry and judgmental thoughts that ran through my mind.
After the book discussion, which was quite inspiring, I wanted to write the host and confront him. I fumed more. I just wanted to let him have it. “How can you laugh at me when I am sharing so vulnerable. How can you be so light-hearted about me giving up a life-long (almost 50 years!) of dreaming of achieving this goal. Who do you think you are? You call yourself a Christian?”
After I got over my anger and hurt, I was able to access the more vulnerable feelings of sadness and remorse. I realized that he was right: I had not depended on Jesus guidance as much as I could have when I was forming the structure of the community–the goals, values, beliefs, governing structures and practices. I also had not had much connection with communities in recent years from where I could get inspiration and mentoring.
I then had the epiphany: “With Jesus help, I can create a community. I won’t ever say I am doing this alone, but I will always remind myself and others that I am co-creating with Jesus. I have a set of unique values including veganism which no other Christian community that I know of shares and I want to promote this value among Christians especially.”
So now I am back to creating community with Jesus help. I am getting more support than ever before, including communication with a Christian community in Northern Missouri called Shepherd’s Field, and a scheduled visit to the Bruderhof community in Upstate New York in June. I am also connecting with some wonderful Seventh Day Adventist folks who are vegan and interested in community living. I do believe that Jesus is helping me!
I don’t want to take this blog post down–but I needed to introduce it so you will know that I have changed my mind. Thanks for reading. As always, your comments are very welcome.
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After my recent experience with Will, (not his real name) where we were looking at the possibility of him being a co-founder, I realized that I am not fit to lead or be the founder of a community. That is good news!
Does that sound shocking to those of you who have known of my almost 50 year long journey where I was either searching for, researching, living in, or dreaming of creating–intentional community?
This is the theme of my entire adult life when I was 21 and first heard the words “intentional community” by discovering the Directory of Intentional Communities which you can find here. I am 69 1/2 now. I knew that I was destined to live in a way where people shared life together, and I see that I was always preparing to be fit for living in community. I learned and practiced many skills, including Nonviolent Communication as taught by Marshall Rosenberg, how to facilitate meetings, consensus decision making, Sociocracy 3.0, various ways of resolving conflict, Open Space Technology, and cooperative games.
I’ve also done much inner work, as well as committing my life to Christ 23 years ago. I have always been drawn to the Anabaptists more than any other group, and recently started attending the local Mennonite Church. I realized that even though I did not believe in their interpretation of the Bible in many ways, and did not like their meat and dairy filled potlucks, we had more in common than not. I actually am feeling drawn to wear a head covering and long skirts as they do. Bruderhof women do not have to wear head coverings, but I am discovering some good reasons to do so.
I learned about the Bruderhof around a decade ago–maybe longer–but when I was researching intentional Christian communities to visit, I’m pretty sure they came up on my radar. I was put off by their life-long commitment, their dress, and some other issues which now I actually see as positive. About 6 weeks ago, I somehow came across the Bruderhof again and discovered their website and Youtube channel. Once I started diving in, I found reasons why I would never join–like the fact that they were not vegan. But reading how they were organized and what they believed, plus listening to videos from a variety of members, drew me into learning more. The crushing realization that I really needed to give up on starting a community and instead, joining one, really motivated me to learn more. And the more I learned, the more I felt in alignment with their values, vision, beliefs, and goals. I
Wow. I took a break to prepare some lentil soup for lunch, and I started listening to some Plough Podcasts. I am very inspired by Plough, which is the publishing house of Bruderhof. I just listened to this podcast which explains why the community where all things are shared in common using scriptural proof. https://megaphone.link/PP8518377381
By the way, all the communities I visited on the Christian community tour I embarked on all shared everything in common. I was convinced that this was the right way to live, and even got to eat lunch with the man who wrote a book about why the “shared treasury” as he called it, was the only way that Christians could really follow Jesus. He and his wife, both in their late 80’s, were so kind to me and served me a delicious vegetarian lunch since they knew my preferences. In fact, I felt so welcomed by many at the Reba Place Fellowship thanks to Sally Youngquist who was the director at that time, and who wanted my week long stay to be filled with uplifting activities. I even got to visit their rural retreat which was wonderful.
I want to write a little bit about my history in the paragraphs below. I have provided links after this that give a comprehensive description of my life. I was amazed to find all these blog posts, and even was reminded of things I had forgotten. I used to write so much more than I do now. I really do enjoy writing, but now I have obligations which consume so much of my time, I choose not to prioritize writing. But I know I need to answer the Bruderhof couple’s questions, so I am deciding I can set aside this time. I’ll just work longer hours in the next few days to accomplish my tasks.
I traversed many spiritual paths where I hoped that by being a part of that path not only would I achieve personal transformation, but also be part of a community. I had left the Methodist Church when I was 16 when I realized that I had never really connected with any of the theology of the church that my parents brought me up in even as they lived in various places since my dad was in the Navy. Community was what I enjoyed most about being part of the church, including being part of the children’s choir (adult choir was boring to me), coordinator of the Youth Fellowship (with all the activities that go along with that), Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, pot lucks, and I always loved all the Christmas activities especially caroling. I could naturally harmonize ever since I was at least in the second grade, and music was a fulfilling part of the church life.
One of the reasons I left was because I was disappointed that the youth group did not want to do more service projects. Our activities were at least 75% fun, including miniature golfing, beach parties, volleyball, hayrides, and horseback riding. When I suggested during a Youth Council meeting that I led that we do more service, no one wanted to do this action. I stormed out of the meeting angrily, but now I realize that I was intensely hurt and disillusioned because of the attitude of both the youth counselors and the young people.
Soon after leaving, I became part of Jehovah’s Witnesses because a friend who had been rather wild had joined the church and I saw her transformation. She went from wearing revealing clothes to long skirts and loose tops. I still smile to remember Linda Whitaker, who had inspired Margo, and then me, to join the church. She was so kind, peaceful and a joy to be around. I appreciated how committed the people were and how they gathered often to do community building activities with all ages present. They were so sure of their beliefs, and I yearned to be have that security. After about six months, I realized that as much as I liked the community, I just could not embrace their interpretation of the Bible and all their rules.
I need to interrupt my writing because I realize that I have written extensively about my life in other writings which I have shared later in this post. I want to say that I am serious about giving up on attempting to start a community on my own because even though this has been a dream, and I have convinced myself that I need to be the one to design the community to be just like I want it, l realize that I do not have the capacity to be such a leader. Seeing how I overlooked so much when I was relating to Will, I realize that my desperation to live in community made me blind to his character weaknesses. I realize that I need to be cautious. I need to enter into any situation of looking into joining a community with my eyes open, and firmly focused on what God wants for me.
I also see how prideful I have been. Humility has been defined as knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses. I have a lot of strengths in organizing and planning projects. But following through is not my strength. Drawing dependable people who share my values, vision and beliefs is yet another weakness.
Because I had funding to build the infrastructure for a community seven years ago when the common house was built along with other improvements, I finally had the opportunity to finalize a plan and implement it. I even had funds to pay a staff to help me design a website and do other tasks. I was given a generous stipend so I could focus only on building the community for a whole year. I feel sad to say that I failed miserably, partly due to unwise choices in partnerships, and partly due to my own lack of wisdom.
Someone believed in me enough to pay a lot of money to help me realize my dream. Much of that dream, I now see, would be fulfilled by living in a Bruderhof settlement. The part that would not be fulfilled is to live with other vegans and share that lifestyle. But I have come to realize that following Jesus teachings especially the Sermon on the Mount is my highest priority. And that is what I would be encouraged to do by becoming a Bruderhof member. I don’t think I will ever give up my plant-based diet and commitment to helping people to realize the suffering animals undergo because of our food choices is unnecessary. But I know that I can not push these beliefs on anyone, but rather be an example.
I feel sad because the person who believed in me was passionately committed to my vision of a Christian vegan community. I have failed her. And she has forgiven me for that which I appreciate greatly. She was impressed by my passion for animal rights, which I pursued by belonging to one of the (if not the) most radical animal rights organizations, DxE. I thought I was going to devote my life to serving this organization, which promised me that I would be part of a loving community. Yet I saw that there was much corruption and lack of shared values which I share in this blog http://www.isdxeacult.wordpress.com I poured much energy into exposing their weaknesses as a whistle blower because I had been warned by others that negative things were taking place in the leadership, but I did not believe them because there was not enough evidence for me. I had fervently shared with others about how great DxE was–I was kind of an evangelist–and I wanted to make sure that people made an educated choice about their involvement.
Soon after leaving DxE, Covid happened, and I have only traveled once just 6 hours to Northern Missouri to visit the land trust I was exploring membership in. Before that, for about 3 years, I traveled back and forth to Berkeley, to various conferences, and even to London for a Christian Animal Welfare conference. I love traveling! Yet I discovered that traveling did not bring me the happiness and peace I longed for.
During the past 3 years, I have suffered very intensely more rejections from people I longed to associate with and cooperate with. They have not even told me specific reasons why they have rejected me, and these Christians do not believe in the very clear teaching that Jesus gave in Matthew 18: 15-20 https://www.bible.com/bible/97/MAT.18.MSG where it says that if you have issues with someone, talk to them one on one, if that doesn’t resolve it, get some others to help mediate, and if the issue is still not resolved, get the whole church involved.
I have yet to find a church that emphasizes this teaching. So knowing that the Bruderhof emphasize this is very reassuring.
This method of conflict prevention and resolution continues to be a similar process with the intentional communities I have studied to this day. Isn’t it wonderful that Jesus was so wise that his teachings continue to resonate with us to this day and that secular people or people of other spiritual paths find value in them. Something I heard repeatedly on the various videos I watched were Bruderhof members speaking about how gossiping is forbidden, and first going to a person to talk about a problem is essential. I heard of a Quaker community where if a person gossiped even once, they were kicked out! I think that gossip is the poison of any group.
You may be wondering why I would even consider making a life time commitment to a group without even visiting. It’s because I have really done a lot of research by reading their website and other resources I have listed.
I have listened to about 50 short videos (from 7 to 30 minutes) where Bruderhof members share their perspectives about various things all the way from what a typical day is like to how they discipline their children to what their theological beliefs are. I also listened to this interview https://beatriceinstitute.org/bruderhof-episode with a Bruderhof member which was the most comprehensive view of Bruderhof that I had yet found. I am eager to read this book which I shall order soon, and much information about the book can be found on this website.
I feel as if I know some of the members, for example Laura. She started vlogging about 6 years ago, and I watched videos where she was single, then engaged, married and now she has two children! I love her interviews with her grandmother who was born into the Bruderhof. I find the book study called The Call to Community to be very enlightening. Rich is the anchor of the 52 week book study, and I enjoy listening to him interact with his female co-hosts. I don’t know their names because they are not mentioned in the description–but somehow I have gotten to know Rich’s name. I hope I can meet all of these amazing people, including a black couple who describe such things as how courtship works and why often people are married with a very short engagement–like one week–or why and how the husband teaches about Black History month in the Bruderhof school where he teaches.
I am planning to do a deep dive into reading free books written by the founder, Eberhardt Arnold and other leaders in the community which they call “servants,” rather than leaders. I was overjoyed to get these resources when I inquired about the Resident Volunteer Program which lasts for 2-4 weeks.
Ten years ago I spent two weeks visiting Christian communities, almost all of which shared all in common. Here is a list of the communities I visited. I did not join any of them because I knew my children and their fathers would not move there. I felt most drawn to Reba Place Fellowship in Chicago.
When I was researching which communities I would visit, I discovered that the Immanuel approach which I write about here had been credited with helping Reba Place Fellowship to resolve some very intense conflicts which may have led to them dissolving. I was so happy to learn about this method of connecting with Jesus and healing past trauma with his help. I could never find anyone to practice with, but I adapted the teaching to doing a practice every morning for the past 3 years which I have found to be the best way to spend time with Jesus in the morning. I believe that this practice has helped me to heal past hurts which have led to me feeling peace, forgiveness, and a trust in God that increases daily. The fruit has been that I have been able to release the bitterness that resulted from so many hurts especially which I felt from the Christians who helped me to follow Jesus.
I think this practice has also helped me to realize that I can no longer pursue creating a community on my own.
I do want to say at this point that if I find that I am not called to join the Bruderhof, then I would seek out other Christian communities and see if they want to help me start a community. I am finally willing to give up my commitment to having a vegan community because I realize that most Christians are just not in that frame of mind at this point. Perhaps the Bruderhof would like to buy my land and common house and set up community, and I could be a neighbor. I would love it if they would consider buying the log house, giant barn and 11 acres which I have been co-caretaking for the past 7 years. I just think it would be perfect for a new community which they could start here. http://www.livingspringsloghouse.wordpress.com I have also written a description of why I think this would be a great place for them or any group to start a settlement here. https://wellspringcommunityblog.wordpress.com/2024/03/22/why-the-log-house-giant-barn-and-land-would-be-ideal-for-community-living/
I do feel strongly that almost everything about the Bruderhof appeals to me. The main thing is that they are committed to actually living out the teachings of Jesus which are encapsulated in the Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5-7. I discovered that one theory about this sermon is that Matthew wanted to summarize all of Jesus teachings in one complete utterance so that people could really understand the essence of what he taught more easily. The main goal of the Bruderhof is to live out these teachings which really are impossible to live out unless people live in a community which shares all things in common. A community where people sacrifice their lives for each other.
I heard repeatedly in the various talks I heard from members of the Bruderhof that they know they are not perfect and often it is a struggle to live sacrificial lives. Yet the overwhelming feeling that I get is that this way of life really is working, and has done so even though there have been tremendous challenges, for the past 100 years.
The 100 year history is very impressive to me, and when I read much of the “Foundations of our Faith and Calling” found on their website, I was very inspired by how transparent they are about how they are organized and what they believe. I was relieved at the outset when I found that the only thing required of members to actually believe theologically is the Apostle’s Creed and Nicene Creed. There is not, as far as I can tell, a demand that I believe in the existence of hell, aka eternal conscious torment. I get the sense that they are so committed to bringing the Kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven, that they don’t even think about the afterlife that much. That is so refreshing to me, especially since my understanding of the Bible reveals that God will manage to reconcile everyone, and everyone will eventually be purified so that they can live in this Kingdom.
I just had a thought that in a way, Bruderhof members are living a heaven on earth where all their needs are taken care of and they are a part of a huge family of people who are committed life long to nurturing each member.
Even though they will be the first to admit there are conflicts and things to work out, I also hear that they are open to learning and growing. I sense that is one of the reasons they have lasted so long. Rigidity does not appear to be in their view of life except for the intense commitment to follow Jesus–and that is always being refined, it seems, for the better.
Here are some of the things that bring me great joy to think about when I consider living at a Bruderhof settlement:
Being around children. I will miss my grandchildren, but knowing there will be plenty of opportunities to care for and interact with children is a consolation. I really am very child-like in so many ways and children inspire me to be playful, for often I am so focused and serious.
Music. I love their emphasis on mostly simple, accessible music including religious songs and folksongs. I was inspired by Rich’s description of how almost every member of the whole community (300 people) do a complicated choral piece like Handel’s Messiah at Christmas. I love both kinds of singing. I imagine singing at nursing homes and such might be a part of their service.
Communal meals. I understand that vegans and vegetarians are accommodated in the daily communal meals and that I can get fruits and vegies that I need from the storehouse. I am not completely sure how this will work, but I have confidence that there can be an accommodation for me since my diet is very simple–basically the Daniel Diet. I also love to pick wild edibles which are one of my staples and I imagine in the country village-like settlements I can find them.
Daily fellowship and encouragement. I know there will be countless opportunities to engage in uplifting conversations, to pray, study the Bible, do corporate worship all which will help me to pray unceasingly and more consistently live out in real life my commitment to Jesus which benefits me, the community, and all who see us. “They will know we are Christians by our love,” has always been one of my favorite songs, adapted from a verse in the Bible.
To be in nature. My 2-4 week stay, if I am accepted, will be at one of the larger communities which will be in the country. I live in the country now, and enjoy going barefoot and being close to the land. I hope I can help in the garden.
Working at various tasks. Even though I will need to work at whatever task is required, including cleaning toilets (which I am very good at!) I hope I can offer some of my talents to help the community. Here is my resume in case they want to know what I have done: https://patriciamikkelson.wordpress.com/about/my-resume/ Over the past 24 years I have honed my craft of being a professional organizer for people mostly in their homes, and have mostly made my living doing that http://www.becomeorganized.wordpress.com I am open to helping any of the communities getting a business such as this off the ground for it would be a wonderful way of doing outreach.
Service to the larger community: I am particularly excited by how open the Bruderhof people are to visitors and going out and serving in their community. I would love to facilitate a Community: Connect! event which I designed to bring people together in cooperation which might be beneficial for outreach as well. http://www.communityconnectevent.wordpress.com However, I will be happy to do whatever is needed.
Experiencing a village life. I always wanted the community I created to be like a village. I am eager to see how everything works together. I have read a lot, and have a good idea of how things work, but I am still excited about experiencing it all of course. I admire how organized the Bruderhof people are and how they pay attention to every detail.
Experiencing the celebrations: I understand that there are various celebrations such as weddings where the whole community participates. I love the simple dress that the bride wears along with the fact that everyone gets together to plan and implement the wedding. My daughter had such a wedding, and it was so beautiful. I have seen repeatedly the stress of planning weddings and how much a toll that takes on everyone involved, yet the way the Bruderhof people approach this meaningful and joyous event is so refreshing.
Having some guidance. I assume that I will have someone who I am assigned to, probably a couple, who will counsel me and can answer all my questions. I know that my shadows will come up for looking at. I know that past trauma will be stirred up. Of course I will be daily doing my intense time with Jesus which really helps me deal with the stress of the past including the previous day’s happenings. But having someone to talk to, including others who I might make friends with, will be so helpful.
Feeling like I am helping. I really love serving others, and from everything I have learned about the Bruderhof, I feel hopeful that I will feel fulfilled just being able to lighten the burdens of others and add to the amount of resources that the community can use to help people in the community, their neighborhood and worldwide service organizations like Samaritan’s Purse and Save the Children.
Well, I could write more but…
I need to close this soon because I have limited time to write. I will be sending this link to the welcoming committee, which is comprised of a couple who responded to my inquiry. I think I could write for hours more, but I have commitments, and I really want to send this post to them because I am eager to get the ball rolling for a visit, hopefully in May 2024. Because the bus ticket will be rather expensive for my budget, I want to make a longer visit of 2-4 weeks where I work and live as they do, and I can decide if I want to come back and be a novitiate where I can live with them with the express intention of deciding if I want to make a lifelong commitment.
Believe me, I have thought and prayed about this possibility where I would need to be willing to go wherever I am sent, and all of the communities are quite far from where I live. I love my two children, 4 grandchildren, and two former husbands. Yet Jesus tells us that we need to be willing to leave family in order to follow him. I will be sharing this possibility soon with my children and former husbands in order to get their counsel and so if I do decide to join the Bruderhof, it won’t be a shock. They all know that I am not satisfied with my life and it was only a year ago when I thought I might move about 6 hours away to live in a community in Northern Missouri. I realized that this community would not be a good fit for me and that I was not ready to leave my family. They love me, and like to have my presence in their lives, but they also want me to live a fulfilled life. I cry when I write this. I am already preparing myself for the possibility of leaving. Yet at the same time, I am hoping that if I do make a life time commitment, and join the Bruderhof, they will see the fruits and will want to join as well. I see them struggling in this world so much. How I longed for my children to be able to be live in a secure community all of their lives, and yet that never happened. I did my best, and failed to provide this.
Here are some links to articles I have written which can help people know be better:
How I saw Jesus participating in my life even when I was not following him as a Christian: https://patriciamikkelson.wordpress.com/2015/11/21/lost-and-found-over-and-over-again-part-6/
The entire autobiography of my life up until 8 years ago https://patriciamikkelson.wordpress.com/2015/11/20/lost-and-found-over-and-over-again/
My testimony of how I came to surrender my life to Jesus. https://patriciamikkelson.wordpress.com/2010/02/17/my-testimony/#comment-1222
Questions I answered when I was exploring visiting Christian communities in 2013 https://wellspringcommunityblog.wordpress.com/2013/05/
I just read this Facebook post which I made about 3 years ago. I have learned to live alone, without community, but it is not what I want.
“If I could only live in community, then I could develop all the good habits I want to cultivate. And then I will be happy.” I am grateful that I don’t believe this any more! However, I needed to realize that living in community isn’t just about not being lonely any more, but rather living in community that focuses on following Jesus, holds everything in common and focuses on living out the sermon on the mount is THE way to live my destiny.
“Happy World Gratitude Day 
I feel so grateful for the following state of mind which I write about here:
This was my belief up until only a few months ago. A series of events happened to help me realize that I could be happy without community. And now that I am alone most of the time in my little apartment overlooking the beautiful prayer lake, I can prove to myself that I can have excellent habits and be happy without community.
I am fasting–day 23 I think. That is a habit I could never do in the past unless someone was fasting with me. I am getting in the habit of pausing 7 times a day to acknowledge the sacred hours, using the book 7 Sacred Sacred Pauses. Writing without being tempted by food or other distractions is effortless. In fact, my challenge is tearing myself away from my writing to take healthy breaks.
I get daily exercise, am moving into a nice yoga routine, and as I review all the healthy things I want to do in community as I write, I adopt more healthy practices.
How can this be? How can I be so content. So wanting to nurture myself? So hopeful that even my dreamed-of community doesn’t happen (though I keep visualizing a busload of the ideal people joining me once I get done with my describing of the values) I am happy?
I really can give credit to Jesus who has sustained me through the most difficult, painful, and yet richly rewarding time of life over the past 3 years.
I acknowledge every single person who I interacted with, positive and hurtful–you helped me get here.
As I review my blogs I have written over the past ten years, I see that I have been taking my lessons seriously–over the course of my whole life especially when I learned at the tender age of 8 that the way I would be happy was to ask, “if everyone did this action, would the world be a better place.” (can you believe I have a total of 140 blogs? But at least 10 have some posts I am really happy to review and see I haven’t changed my core values–only added to them)
I have only left my country seclusion once in the past 23 days, and I will leave again this Monday. Most likely after that, I will finish my fast and writing without going out. I shall see.
I’m going deep. I am overwhelmingly gratitude to my friend who made it possible for me to financially sustain myself and have this nourishing home near the community land where I can conduct this retreat.”
Love to all!
Thanks for reading this, everyone. I look forward to letting you know how everything unfolds. I also hope to make some videos.
